Technic
-=uXa=- Other Division 
MTA - SAPD Division
[x=stupidcarrots][Xb0:XR Technic XR]
Posts: 628
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Post by Technic on Jul 25, 2009 1:27:40 GMT -5
“Look. He’s moving!” A voice could be heard, but faintly. I could feel a headache, and it hurt a lot. So did the rest of my body. Where was I? What was I doing? There wasn’t time for that now. “What is he doing?” “It looks like he’s getting up.” These voices. Who are they? They don’t seem to be dangerous. I cant seem to be able to read there intentions. “Hello. Who are you?” “I am Lucario, who are you 2?” “My name is Sarah, and her name is Wendy” So Sarah, have any ideas on how I got here?”, said Lucario. “No, we just found you here” “Where is here?” He asked. “Here, is Japan”. I have never hear of Japan, but I must get out of here and back to my home in Sinnoh. I cannot charge my energy, and I am very weak. I need help.
How do you like it so far? I plan on finding a way of letting you know who's speaking without spamming "he said" "she said"
Please, I need your feedback!
EDIT: Changed the color of the demo to red
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Guru
X-R Member
<3> : Sgt. Sergeant
<X-R>Guru<3>[x=dhend3030][Xb0:xXGuru3006xX]
Posts: 986
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Post by Guru on Aug 4, 2009 11:08:51 GMT -5
I could pull a 'grammer teacher' on you, But I won't!  |
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Guru
X-R Member
<3> : Sgt. Sergeant
<X-R>Guru<3>[x=dhend3030][Xb0:xXGuru3006xX]
Posts: 986
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Post by Guru on Aug 4, 2009 11:09:08 GMT -5
Sounds good, Keep writing!
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Technic
-=uXa=- Other Division
MTA - SAPD Division
[x=stupidcarrots][Xb0:XR Technic XR]
Posts: 628
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Post by Technic on Aug 5, 2009 22:09:32 GMT -5
Its called Grammer Nazi, and I would love for any corrections to be made  |
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/\llIe
X-R Member
<2> : Cpl. Corporal
<3 /\xis' Wife E>[x=alliejoy][Xb0:Allie Joy]
Posts: 1,142
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Post by /\llIe on Aug 6, 2009 9:33:36 GMT -5
first thing i recommend fixing: you start out in First Person, and finish in Third Person, pick one and make them all agree.
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Technic
-=uXa=- Other Division
MTA - SAPD Division
[x=stupidcarrots][Xb0:XR Technic XR]
Posts: 628
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Post by Technic on Aug 10, 2009 21:34:07 GMT -5
How is that third person?
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/\llIe
X-R Member
<2> : Cpl. Corporal
<3 /\xis' Wife E>[x=alliejoy][Xb0:Allie Joy]
Posts: 1,142
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Post by /\llIe on Aug 11, 2009 23:36:39 GMT -5
“Look. He’s moving!” [glow=black,5,500]]A voice could be heard, but faintly[/[/glow]. I could feel a headache, and it hurt a lot. So did the rest of my body. Where was I? What was I doing? There wasn’t time for that now. “What is he doing?” “It looks like he’s getting up.” These voices. Who are they? They don’t seem to be dangerous. I cant seem to be able to read there intentions. “Hello. Who are you?” “I am Lucario, who are you 2?” “My name is Sarah, and her name is Wendy” So Sarah, have any ideas on how I got here?”,[glow=black,5,500]] said Lucario[/[/glow]. “No, we just found you here” “Where is here?” [glow=black,5,500]]He asked[/[/glow]. “Here, is Japan”. I have never hear of Japan, but I must get out of here and back to my home in Sinnoh. I cannot charge my energy, and I am very weak. I need help. |
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Technic
-=uXa=- Other Division
MTA - SAPD Division
[x=stupidcarrots][Xb0:XR Technic XR]
Posts: 628
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Post by Technic on Aug 17, 2009 16:02:47 GMT -5
O.o I cant believe I missed those. Before I go ahead and fix all these errors in my book (I am up to chapter 3 already), is there anything WRONG with switching between the 2 views?
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Guru
X-R Member
<3> : Sgt. Sergeant
<X-R>Guru<3>[x=dhend3030][Xb0:xXGuru3006xX]
Posts: 986
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Post by Guru on Aug 18, 2009 12:41:22 GMT -5
Am I actually catching up to you in post counts Allie? *random* I mean, not like it really matters but I'm about to hit 1000.  |
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Guru
X-R Member
<3> : Sgt. Sergeant
<X-R>Guru<3>[x=dhend3030][Xb0:xXGuru3006xX]
Posts: 986
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Post by Guru on Aug 18, 2009 12:42:01 GMT -5
Mines probably all SPAM anyways...
HA!
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Technic
-=uXa=- Other Division
MTA - SAPD Division
[x=stupidcarrots][Xb0:XR Technic XR]
Posts: 628
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Post by Technic on Aug 18, 2009 17:29:17 GMT -5
Or double posts
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Guru
X-R Member
<3> : Sgt. Sergeant
<X-R>Guru<3>[x=dhend3030][Xb0:xXGuru3006xX]
Posts: 986
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Post by Guru on Aug 21, 2009 10:57:05 GMT -5
screw
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Guru
X-R Member
<3> : Sgt. Sergeant
<X-R>Guru<3>[x=dhend3030][Xb0:xXGuru3006xX]
Posts: 986
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Post by Guru on Aug 21, 2009 10:57:20 GMT -5
you jk |
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Technic
-=uXa=- Other Division
MTA - SAPD Division
[x=stupidcarrots][Xb0:XR Technic XR]
Posts: 628
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Post by Technic on Aug 23, 2009 16:29:01 GMT -5
You lost your priviliges for rewards on any post count. You double posted too much
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Guru
X-R Member
<3> : Sgt. Sergeant
<X-R>Guru<3>[x=dhend3030][Xb0:xXGuru3006xX]
Posts: 986
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Post by Guru on Aug 24, 2009 15:04:26 GMT -5
What
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